A Kind of Honesty Page 21

  “Now is different. Now it’s about the band and public—”

  “No. It’s the same. You’re just older. Look, I’m not challenging you. Everyone comes to terms with their sexuality at their own speed. But maybe when you talk about making a stand, what you’re really referring to is taking one for yourself.”

  “What do you—?”

  “Don’t ask me what I mean. You know. You’re still trying to keep the peace. Keep your mom happy, get your sister help, be the best uncle ever. But what about you? It doesn’t seem right to deny who you are to appease your mother or your fans. Maybe the timing isn’t right. You’ll know when it is.”

  I bristled at his knowing tone and gave him an irritated scowl. “You know, technically I’m out. There are three bi guys in the band and one straight one. It’s not news but it’s in interviews and—”

  “Right. But there’s a big difference between saying and doing. Just like there’s a big difference between being honest or… kind of honest. Look, I’m not pressuring you, but I want you to know you can trust me. I’m not Rob. I’m not your sister, your mother, or your father. I’ll do my best not to hurt you. I promise.” He cradled my chin and kissed my lips tenderly before taking a step back.

  I stared after him as he turned toward the stairs. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m taking a shower.” He pointed at the shards of glass and the liquid streaks on the wall, then gave me a weary look. “Cardboard palace or not, I’m not cleaning that mess.”

  I stood perfectly still, listening to his progress as he made his way upstairs to the master suite. The walls were thin enough I could hear the floorboards creak under his weight. The sound was comforting somehow. I didn’t understand what had gone down here. It was unprecedented for me to share any of this bullshit. The only people who knew Rob was my ex-lover besides my sister were Rand and Cory. And while I knew they cared about me, they could hold that information at arm’s length. It wasn’t personal to them the way it would be to my current lover.

  I’d expected him to be bothered by the creepy revelation. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he came down with his bag packed. I might have if I were in his shoes. He hadn’t signed up for a weekend of family dysfunction, complete with secrets nobody talks about anymore.

  I didn’t understand what he meant about trust, though I had a feeling he was talking about something more than keeping confidence. I did trust him. Implicitly. I wouldn’t have brought him here if I hadn’t. He had to know that. He had to—I frowned as clarity settled over me.

  I glanced at the broken glass and the spilled beer soaking the carpet, then up the stairs before pulling my T-shirt over my head and taking the steps two at a time. I rounded the corner to the master bedroom and quickly tossed my shirt on the floor, then toed off my sneakers and worked on my belt. I left a trail of discarded clothing behind me as I moved with purpose toward the sound of running water in the adjacent bathroom.

  What my condo lacked in style and luxury amenities, it made up for in the master bath. The high ceilings and white subway tile with marble accents helped create an illusion of size, but it was certainly bigger than my New York City bathroom. It was well-appointed with dual sinks, a huge tub, and a shower large enough to accommodate two grown men. My mouth watered at my first glimpse of Carter’s glorious naked body through the steamed glass. I watched transfixed as he lathered soap over his taut abs. The man was built like a god. Perfectly proportioned and sexier than anyone had a right to be.

  He must have sensed my approach. He turned and, through hooded eyes, gave me a thorough once-over that went straight to my cock. I licked my lips and opened the shower door, then wordlessly snatched the soap from his hands.

  “I’ll get your back,” I said, gesturing for him to face the spray. He narrowed his gaze slightly before complying. No doubt he was curious about my mood shift. I could hardly blame him. I splayed my hands across his shoulder blades, massaging his skin in a circular motion before planting a kiss at his nape. “I’m sorry I dumped all that on you. I didn’t mean for things to get heavy.”

  Carter nodded, then lowered his head. Water sluiced over his muscular back, washing away the suds. I wrapped my arms around his middle and rested my head on his shoulder for a moment before speaking again. “I trust you.”

  He tilted his chin and glanced backward. Something in my expression made him look twice. He turned to face me and pulled me against him.

  “How much?”

  “A lot,” I replied lamely. I swallowed hard and tried again, hoping to erase any trace of flippancy from my tone. This mattered too much to be taken lightly. “More than I’ve trusted anyone in a long time. Maybe ever.”

  “Hmm.”

  His gaze darted from my eyes to my mouth as though he was gauging my sincerity. He must have seen something he liked. His lips quirked in a lopsided grin. He ran his hands down my back and rested them on my ass. Then he squeezed my cheeks and smacked my left one hard. The sharp sound reverberated through the shower stall and echoed off the walls. Erotic imagery flooded my brain like a porn flick being played on fast-forward. Sex in the gym locker room. Sex in a restaurant restroom. Sex in the shower. In every scene, I was the one bent over, begging for my lover to fuck me harder, faster, and to never fucking stop. Something I wouldn’t do in real life.

  My vision blurred. I felt dizzy and disoriented from the rush of desire. I wasn’t turning back now. I reached for his cock and held him in a firm grip. He closed his eyes briefly but opened them when I stroked him from base to tip and back again. I bit his jaw, then nibbled on his bottom lip while I worked. Up and down. Slow and steady. He groaned and captured my mouth in a searing kiss, sucking on my tongue before plunging his deep inside. I fell back a step from the assault and found myself against the cool tile. Carter anchored me, wrapping his arms around my waist as he ravaged my mouth and angled his hips to slide his erect penis alongside mine.

  It was a strange position to be in. Not in a physical sense. I’d been here, even with my back to the wall. The difference was me. I didn’t want to take the reins back the way I usually did. I wanted Carter to take over and do whatever the hell he felt like doing. I wanted submission, surrender, and utter abandon. I tilted my head, moaning as he licked my neck before grasping our flesh together. He reached for the soap and used it as lube to jack us in unison. It felt amazing, but I wanted something more. I hooked my right leg around his hip and bucked into his tight fist, holding on to his shoulders for support.

  “Fuck, you feel good,” he purred before biting my earlobe.

  I let out a strangled mewling noise and idly thought that didn’t sound like me. I wasn’t usually so… desperate. There was no reason to hide, though. Every bite, lick, kiss, suck, and stroke was driving me wild. Something had to happen soon or I’d combust.

  I couldn’t stop my hips or my hands. I clawed at Carter’s back to get his attention and pulled his hair. Hard. He winced, then grabbed my hands and yanked them above my head in a move so fast I blinked in surprise. He furrowed his brow, clearly annoyed with my rough play. He opened his mouth to let me have it, but something stopped him. His low, sexy chuckle enveloped me in yet another layer of need. I couldn’t formulate a plea for what I wanted. I’d never been here before. Not like this.

  When he stared at me hungrily without moving, I fought to free my hands. His grin widened as he lowered his face to mine. He sucked my bottom lip, and then nudged my nose until I turned my head. A thrill raced through my veins. I was horny as hell, and the rigid prick stabbing my abdomen was surely a good indication I wasn’t the only one. What the fuck was he waiting for?

  “Cart—”

  “Say it. I want to hear you say it out loud.”

  “I want….” I gulped but couldn’t continue.

  “What do you want? Tell me what you want me to do to you.” His voice sounded like a growl now. There was a commanding quality to it I’d overheard when he was talking to his employees, but never with me.
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  “I want you.”

  “Be specific, Timmy. Say it.”

  “Fuck you! I want your fucking cock in my ass,” I blurted, too strung out to think twice about begging for it.

  “Turn around, then.”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “Not in the shower. Let’s—”

  “Turn around. Now.” His firm tone delivered with a hard smack on the side of my ass startled me into obedience.

  I faced the white tile, thinking I should warn him we were going to run out of warm water soon, but as I turned, he used my momentum to spin me so quickly I had to slap my hands on the wall or risk knocking my head against it.

  “Hey!”

  “Keep them there. No arguing. Just do as you’re told.” He pulled my hair, tugging my head sideways to look at him. “Understand?”

  I nodded, watching him bend to pick up the soap again. “Aren’t you gonna be gentle with me? It’s my first time, ya know.”

  Carter gave me a rakish grin as he came to stand behind me. “What would you do in my position?”

  He slid a single digit over my crack, probing, then gliding over my hole. I trembled at the contact. I reached back to still his hand. “I’d go slow.”

  “Liar.” He smacked my ass hard enough to leave a handprint. I was tempted to turn and look, but he crowded me against the wall before I had a chance and wrestled my arms above my head. “Stay still. And don’t lie to me. You don’t want slow or gentle. You want me to use you. You want me to fuck you so hard you feel me for days. You want me to be every fantasy you never let yourself believe you wanted for real… a cowboy, a leather daddy, your personal trainer. Even your fucking barista. You got it bad, baby. You’re desperate for dick, and I can’t wait to make you mine.”

  There was nothing to say. He was right. I wanted everything I’d done to him times ten. I wanted it hard and dirty. I wanted every errant, nasty act in my imagination to come to fruition with the one person I knew wouldn’t question or judge because he felt the exact same way.

  All coherent thought faded when he gripped my dick with his left hand and rubbed his finger over my hole. The dual stimulation under cascading water was instant sensory overload made worse by his nonstop raunchy dialogue. He growled a steady litany of porn-worthy promises that were almost funny because they were so out of character. Carter wasn’t the type to threaten to “pound my ass” or “fuck me into the mattress.” The sound of his gruff voice alone was sexy. Add the lusty impromptu lines and I was a strung-out mess, moaning loudly as I propelled my hips forward, looking for friction. Just as the hum of release sent a warning shiver up my spine, he pulled away, leaving me shaky with need.

  “Please…,” I whimpered.

  Carter shut the spray off and opened the shower door. I wasn’t sure how I made it out. He may have taken my hand or simply called my name. I felt like I was outside of my body. Buzzing with lust but curiously tranquil at the same time.

  It wasn’t like me to give up control to this degree. To me, good sex required equal participation. A complimentary give-and-take. And if one partner was more dominant than the other, it was usually me. However, as Carter dried my chest, then instructed me to turn around, I realized I wanted this. I wanted him to set the pace. I trusted him to know what I needed more than I did at that moment.

  He kissed me roughly and bit my chin before abruptly stepping back. “Come with me.”

  We hadn’t made the bed that morning. Truthfully, neither of us was fussy about that particular chore. Carter liked things to be clean, but he didn’t necessarily want to be the one to do it. I assumed that had something to do with his privileged upbringing. He liked cooking, but kitchen cleaning was reserved for when he was frustrated or angry or he could tell no one else would do it.

  The comforter was a jumbled mess in the middle, and the sheets had a rumpled look that clearly indicated sex. We probably should have changed them earlier, but neither of us cared now. Carter walked me backward until my knees hit the edge of the mattress. He gave me a gentle push before climbing over me to straddle my thighs.

  And that’s when I freaked out.

  “Um… hey, I don’t think—”

  “You aren’t supposed to think,” he countered, rolling his thumbs over my sensitive nipples.

  “I can’t do this. I can’t bottom. It’s not me. I need to be on top or—”

  Carter put his hand over my mouth to stop my nonsensical stream of words from killing the mood. “You said you trust me.”

  “I do, but… your dick is big. It’s not gonna fit and I’m—”

  “Scared,” he finished for me. “Trust me, honey. I’ve done this a few times.”

  “How many?”

  He gave a half laugh and tweaked my tits hard. I winced, taken by surprise by the intense spark of arousal. “More than I can count.”

  “I don’t know if I should be jealous or—”

  “Tim?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Shut up and relax. I’d like nothing more than to drill you facedown into the mattress, but I won’t.” He bent to suck my left nipple, and then licked a trail up my chest and along my neck. He stopped to whisper in my ear. “Until you beg me, that is. In the meantime… just enjoy.”

  He raked his fingers down my chest and made a beeline for my dick. My breath caught audibly when he captured me in a tight fist and stroked me, smearing precum at each pass. I sighed and closed my eyes. It felt too good to push him away. I bent my knees and opened my legs wide when he slid down my body, licking and nipping at my torso until he reached my cock. I propped myself on my arm to watch the action. Blowjobs were practically a daily occurrence between us, but they still never failed to excite me. Carter was an expert. He knew just how to use his tongue, and when he flicked it over my slit, I couldn’t help arching my back in a silent plea for more.

  “Stop torturing me.”

  Carter hummed, then sucked the tip, sloppy but sexy as hell. He shifted his weight ’til he was on all fours over me. I could feel his hard cock drooling precum against my thigh. We were both obviously ready to go. Part of me wanted to flip him over, lube up, and dive inside him. The tension was killing me. He knew I trusted him. I told him. Did I really need to give him my ass to prove it?

  I sat up taller and tugged at his hair to get his attention… just as he pushed at my knees, pressing them against my chest. I fell back and tried again, but the feel of his warm mouth sucking my balls stopped me. He knew I loved it when he flattened my cock against my stomach while he played with my sac. And that I went crazy when he licked the sensitive skin just underneath, teasing me with featherlight caresses close to my hole but never quite there. Tonight he brought out every trick, sucking and licking in a frenzy until I was gyrating off the bed in my quest for something beyond my reach.

  When he tapped his middle finger against my entrance, I froze. My protest died on my lips when he returned to alternately stroking and sucking my prick with renewed vigor. I chanted his name as I rocked my hips wildly. He let go abruptly and knelt over me to grab the lube and a condom from the nightstand.

  “Put it on me, baby. I wanna fuck you,” I growled.

  “Shh. I’ve got this,” he said in a deep tone tinged with a note of unmistakable authority.

  Carter kissed me. It was a sweet brush of lips until he drove his tongue forcefully into my mouth. I groaned at the wicked onslaught and reached for him, only to have him push the duvet aside and lie down facing the opposite direction. I rolled to my side and grinned at the gorgeous sight of his rigid dick inches from my face. His lips covered me a second later, and the sharp smack on my ass told me to get to work. I obeyed, lapping at him hungrily and breathing him in as I sucked like a man possessed. He did the same to me. And as always, the dual sensation drove me nuts. I clawed at his ass, wanting more of him than I could possibly handle at once.

  I was so lost in passion I didn’t register his finger massaging my hole at first. And when I did, I was
too far gone to do anything other than lift my leg to give him more room to do whatever the fuck he wanted. Carter let out a groan of satisfaction. A moment later I heard the snap of a bottle top, then felt the cool lube as he gently breached my opening. I let go of his dick and looked down at him, mesmerized. He pushed his finger inside and curled it, rubbing over my prostate. The sudden flash of pleasure was intense.

  “Fuck!”

  Carter worked me over until I was literally awash with sweat and hypersensitive with need. He pushed a second finger inside, and this time, I didn’t like it. It was too intrusive. Too awkward. I batted his hand away, and he immediate released me. I didn’t like that any better. He sat up quickly and flattened himself over me, sliding his hands along my sides, then up my arms. I parted my legs to cradle him and tilted my pelvis so his impossibly hard shaft slid along my crack and over my hole.

  That’s when I knew I wanted him. I didn’t care if it hurt. I wanted Carter. I wanted him to give me everything he had. I couldn’t stand knowing he’d been inside “more men than he could count” when I was the one who mattered most. I was the one who loved him and—holy fuck.

  I licked my lips and buried my head in his shoulder to get my breathing under control. And clear my head. I lifted my legs higher and pushed at his shoulder.

  “I’m ready. Do it.”

  He went completely still before scrambling off me and reaching for the condom. I wanted to laugh at his enthusiasm, but there was no point. I felt the same way he did. Overzealous, hornier than hell and possibly in over my head.

  “Get on top of me,” he commanded in that sexy, deep timbre.

  I nodded and hurried to obey, spreading my thighs wide before reaching back to line up his thick cock at my entrance. I pushed down and got nowhere fast.

  “It doesn’t fit,” I said, furrowing my brow.