A Kind of Romance Read online

  I hoped Abe showed up soon. He had a better bedside manner than me. And even in the best of times, Pops and I were like oil and water. I took a deep breath and sat in the lone blue plastic chair next to the bed.

  “I’m sorry they bothered you at work. We won’t be long. Two or three tests, then you can take me home. I would have had them call one of your brothers, but apparently I passed out,” he said with a chuckle.

  “How is that funny?” I sighed and shifted in the uncomfortable chair.

  “It’s not, but your name is first for emergencies because—”

  “I’m not married and I don’t have kids. Got it.” I glanced at my watch. Less than five minutes in his company and I was already itching for a cigarette and lamenting the fact I’d quit smoking a year ago. “Abe’s on his way.”

  “But Abraham has to help take the kids to school and….”

  I tuned him out. I had to. It was a question of maintaining sanity.

  George loved to state the obvious. My brothers were all married. Abe and Jonah were fathers, and Dave surely would be one day. I was the token gay family member. The cool uncle, the pain-in-the-ass brother, and the lone kid who was closer to Mom than any of my siblings were. I was the black sheep in every way possible. Sure, we all looked somewhat alike with dark hair and brown eyes. But where I was tall, lean, and fit with short hair and a beard I kept closely trimmed, my brothers were an inch or two shorter and at least ten pounds heavier than me. They were jovial, easygoing guys, while I was infinitely more serious and driven to succeed in a world that had absolutely nothing to do with bagels.

  “Don’t worry, Pops. Between Abe and I, you’ll be taken care of.”

  He smiled kindly. “All right, then, tell me about your weekend. I was hoping you’d stop by for dinner last night but….”

  I sighed and patted his hand companionably. I wasn’t going anywhere now. It was up to me to swim above the familiar pull of frustration and simply be in the moment.

  “It was fine. She had a good day.”

  He looked away and stared at that blue curtain, unseeing. The well of unshed tears made his eyes shine in the fluorescent light. I swallowed and bit my lip so hard I could taste blood. I didn’t know what to say now. So I let the static background noise of the emergency room take over. The setting seemed suddenly poetic somehow.

  I desperately searched for a safe topic change. One that wouldn’t upset him. Or me, for that matter. “I met Benny. The guy with the blue hair.”

  “He’s a nice boy, isn’t he? I just hired him. He’s taking over Rand’s morning shifts a couple days a week. He’s very friendly. Great with customers.”

  “Good. I’m glad you found more help. You should probably cut back on your hours.”

  “I will for the rest of the week. Did he tell you he works for his family at Johnny’s? It’s an Italian restaurant in Greenwich and….”

  “Mmm-hmm.” I tuned Dad out as I moved toward the curtain, hoping to find a nurse, or better yet, a doctor to speed this process along. No such luck.

  I turned back to my father and stopped in my tracks. His expression was a little mischievous and— Uh-oh. I knew that smile. Not good. “What are you up to?”

  Dad chuckled. “Nothing at all, but— Do you think you can take an hour out of your busy schedule to bring me by the store later this week? Maybe Thursday?”

  “Why Thursday?”

  “It’s as good a day as any. I shouldn’t get on the train in my condition, and I can’t dri—”

  “Your condition? You’re going to be fine, Dad.”

  He shrugged nonchalantly and made a sweeping gesture at the hospital bed he was perched on. “We’ll see.”

  “Rest is what you need. Don’t worry so much.”

  “You’re right. But I should see how Benjamin is doing. Did I tell you I’ve known him for years? He came by the store when he was a student at NYU. He’s good-looking. Don’t you think?”

  “In spite of the hair… yeah.”

  “He’s funny too. Benjamin has a great sense of humor.”

  “I’m sure he does.”

  “He’s single and—”

  “Pops, he’s a good guy. I get it. But wherever you’re going with this… stop. He’s not my type. At all. Come on! Even you can tell we’d never get through a dinner without it being extremely awkward.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’s too… gay.”

  “What does that mean? You’re gay too.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Right. But I’m not that gay.”

  “Are there degrees in gayness? You should tell me these things. I’m your father. I should know.”

  “No, you shouldn’t! Some things are better left a mystery. As in anything to do with my personal life! A mystery. Got it?”

  “No. Explain yourself. What do you mean by ‘that gay’?”

  “He’s too swishy. Nice guy, but not for me. Okay?”

  “I don’t see why not. It’s what’s inside that matters, Ezekiel. Don’t put up walls to hide the sunshine.”

  I stalked back to the curtain and rolled my eyes again before turning back to face the infuriating, kindly old man propped in the hospital bed. “Look, Pops, I don’t want to get into it with you. Neither of us needs the elevated blood pressure, but I want to remind you…. Benny is exactly the kind of gay man you didn’t want me to be. I recall your words verbatim. ‘It’s bad enough you have to be a pansy, but please don’t act like one.’ Remember saying that? I do. I remember it well. Can we drop this now?”

  Dad shook his head sadly. “I was wrong. I apologize. I only want you to be happy.”

  “I’m happy,” I snapped in a hushed tone, willing him to stop.

  “You’re not. You work too much. You stay out too late. If your mother could, she’d tell you—”

  “She can’t!”

  My voice was low, but the fury behind those two words felt like a cannon had gone off behind the blue curtains unexpectedly. The subsequent quiet was not the soothing kind. It was filled with pain and unspeakable sorrow. A hollow, lifeless absence of sound that echoed around us uncomfortably. I was instantly ashamed. No one missed my mother like Dad. She had been his world. His glue. His fucking everything. The fact he managed to get by as well as he had without her was a miracle my brothers and I marveled over every damn day. Miri Gulden had been our champion. The one person who’d understood us individually and helped us navigate one another’s idiosyncrasies. Without her, we simply weren’t the same.

  “No. She can’t,” he whispered sadly.

  “I’m sorry, Dad. That was uncalled for. I—”

  “No, no. It’s fine. I meddle. I get that. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  I should have been relieved, right? He said I was right. He said he understood. But I knew this man. I’d done a version of this dance for over thirty-one fucking years. I’d just lobbed a softball over home plate, and he was about to knock this baby out of the park. I waited one heartbeat, two, and then….

  “Just take me to the store Thursday. That’s all I ask, son.”

  What could I say?

  MAYBE I was a sucker. Maybe I was a good son. Or maybe I’d grown up on a steady diet of guilt and was hopelessly unable to unshackle myself from its fierce hold. The moment I heard any combination of the words family, your mother, or all I ask, I was doomed. So the following Thursday morning after I’d put in five hours at the office, I had Hector pick me up downtown to traverse the midmorning traffic to Brooklyn and then turn back to the city. I was tempted to have Hector chauffeur Dad and meet them at the bagel store, but my conscience wouldn’t let me. No part of his request was convenient for me. I had an important job. I had clients who counted on me to make big money decisions. They didn’t want to hear about my family woes, and they wouldn’t be impressed I’d selflessly taken time from my busy schedule for the second time in one week to deal with family BS.

  Truthfully, I was able to conduct almost all of my business from the backseat of m
y tricked-out Mercedes sedan. With my laptop, two cell phones, and a television streaming international financial news, I could be anywhere and get a shitload of work done. However, Bowery Bagels wasn’t where I wanted to be. I was itching to get back to my computer after the twenty-five-minute return trip into the city. I did my best not to glance at my watch when Hector pulled in front of the store on Bowery. Instead I nodded dutifully and grunted in response to Dad’s never-ending story about his next-door neighbors, Gil and Gloria, bringing by too much food.

  “They mean well, I know. The fruit baskets are lovely, but how much fruit can I eat? There’s only me now. You’ll have to come back to the house to get one for yourself. I’ll give you the one with pineapple. You like pineapple, don’t you, son?”

  “Sure.” I turned to him when we arrived at our destination. “Hey, I’ll come in with you for a few minutes, but then I’m gonna have Hector take me back to the office. He has instructions to take you anywhere else you need to go… as long as you don’t overdo it.”

  “What about lunch? We should go to lunch. Benjamin might want to come with us and—”

  “Don’t start.” I guided him by his elbow, unsurprised when he smacked my hand away. His way of reminding me he was still the parent, I thought with a sigh as I reached for the door.

  The Bowery location was by far the smallest of all the stores. It had been remodeled recently with crisp black-and-white modern accents. The floor was a wide checkerboard tile that complemented the smaller checked tiles along the back prep wall. A long, L-shaped marble counter with black beadboard wainscoting featured a glass enclosure with three shelves for the many baskets of freshly made bagels. There was an open refrigerator with cold drinks and cream cheese adjacent to the counter. Three small café tables with bistro chairs were on one side of the store under an impressive photo gallery documenting the Gulden family’s prolific history in the New York City bagel business. A floating bar with stools ran the length of the huge picture windows in front so patrons could enjoy a quick breakfast while people-watching before getting back to work. It was a welcoming atmosphere, with delicious smells and a notoriously friendly staff.

  Four customers greeted my father the moment we stepped inside. I smiled wanly and shook hands with them all, pretending to listen to their names and backstories, knowing full well I’d forget them the moment I stepped away. There was a short line at the counter. Normal activity for this late in the morning. Ten forty-five wasn’t quite breakfast or lunchtime. I surveyed the store, idly separating obvious tourists from the locals as I waited for Dad to finish up with his fan club. Jason was behind the counter, ringing up a customer while— Huh, there he was. Benny. He was pointing out various bagels to a young woman dressed from head to toe in purple who couldn’t decide between the oat bran and cinnamon raisin.

  He looked different today. The blue streak was gone, and I didn’t detect any makeup on his face. There may have been a touch of eyeliner, but it was discreet. I wondered at the lack of cosmetics. Abe certainly wouldn’t have told him to go without. My brother firmly believed in a “live and let live” philosophy. Surprisingly, piercings, tats, and makeup were nonissues for my father as well. As long as his employees were friendly and turned out in clean red, black, or white T-shirts with the Bowery Bagel logo, he was happy.

  Benny must have caught my stare. He looked up suddenly and smiled. I had a feeling it was Dad he was pleased to see, but I didn’t mind. Damn… he had a nice smile. Maybe I’d been distracted by the lip gloss when I last saw him at the hospital, because I felt as though I were seeing him for the first time. And I liked what I saw.

  Until he spoke.

  “Hi there, sugar! Imagine meeting you here!” He batted his eyelashes in an over-the-top manner that made me squirm before turning to greet my father with a more subdued “How are you, Mr. G?”

  “I’m excellent! They say I’m anemic and my blood pressure was much too low, but otherwise, I’m perfectly healthy,” Dad reported.

  “Well, you look fantastic.”

  “Thank you. So do you. But where is the color? I liked the blue.” My father’s eyes twinkled merrily.

  Dad was in his element. This store above all the others made him happiest. Perhaps it was because this was where it all began. He’d lived with his family in the apartment upstairs and worked here since he was ten. He even met Mom in the store when she came by with some friends one fateful day four decades ago.

  “I was requested to go au naturel for my cousin’s wedding next month. I’m giving it a try today. What do you think?” Benny asked, striking a vogue-inspired pose with his hands framing his face theatrically.

  I chuckled in spite of myself. He was charming in a weird way. Emphasis on weird.

  “You look good,” I commented awkwardly.

  “Thanks.”

  We shared a smile. It wasn’t an intimate thing. No sparks flew this time. No bells chimed. We may have held eye contact a little longer than normal, but it was friendly. Not a big deal. I stepped back when a customer came up behind me to place an order, and watched Dad chat with Jason before making his way to the back room.

  I knew from personal experience that the baking was done for the day. The kitchen opened at four a.m. and closed at ten. Whoever was back there now would be cleaning and preparing for tomorrow morning’s crowd of bagel lovers. Bowery served basic lunch fare and welcomed afternoon food tours, but this location shut its doors at four o’clock every afternoon. It was funny how much I knew about the daily routine here. Sure, I’d worked here or at one of the Brooklyn stores when I was a teenager, but it was more than that. I couldn’t forget this shit if I tried. And believe me, I’d tried.

  What I didn’t understand was why Benny wanted anything to do with it. If his family ran a restaurant across town, why work here too? His altruistic sensibility was a little… suspicious. Then again, why should I care? If Benny wanted a job and Dad needed a friendly employee he could trust, it wasn’t my business.

  I leaned on the café bar and pulled out my cell to check in with Gina. Other than a reminder that I had a business lunch at one p.m., there were no emergencies. I grilled her on a couple of accounts as I let my gaze wander back to Benny. His black T-shirt was a snug fit. He wasn’t muscular in the slightest, but he was toned. Without makeup, his features seemed sharper. More pointed and angular. If he was taller and a lot less fabulous, I might actually be attracted to him.

  When I glanced up again, he caught my stare with a wicked grin that inexplicably went straight to my dick. I returned it with a cocky one of my own and pocketed my cell. Benny untied his apron from around his waist as he moved around the counter and came toward me.

  “Done for the day?” I asked politely.

  “Well, here anyway. Next stop is Johnny’s at five. Six hours of freedom! Sheer heaven. I don’t know what to do with myself first,” he exclaimed, stifling a yawn.

  I gave a half chuckle. “Sleep? What time did you start this morning?”

  “Five a.m. This schedule is gonna take some getting used to. I shouldn’t have gone out last night, but I couldn’t say no to disco-karaoke night.”

  “Hmm. Dad told me your family owns Johnny’s. I haven’t been there in a while, but I like that place.”

  “Yeah. Most people do. It’s authentic italiano.”

  “I’m curious… why take a minimum-wage job working at a bagel shop with early morning hours when you have a job at your family’s place?” A less accusatory note might have been a smoother approach, but finesse wasn’t always my strong suit.

  “Come again?” Benny dropped his affable tone and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked fierce. The sudden change was sexy as hell, though I couldn’t begin to say why I thought so.

  “It just seems… odd.”

  “You don’t want me here?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t care if you’re here, and it isn’t my decision either way. If Dad and Abe want you… you’re in.” I shrugged, adding, “I’m
just curious.”

  “I took over when Rand quit. They needed the help, and I could use the extra cash. Besides, your dad is a good man. He’s always gone out of his way to be cool to me. The food biz may or may not be my thing, but people are. And your dad is good people. Don’t worry. I’m not planning on ingratiating myself for a place in his will. I’m not a hustler and for better or worse, I’ve got enough family to share a few times over. I don’t want yours.”

  Benny finished his speech with a head bob, then turned on his heel. I grabbed his elbow before he got anywhere.

  “Hey. I’m sorry. I’m not accusing you of anything. Really.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets, feeling more than a little chagrined. “It’s nothing I would do by choice. That’s all.”

  “Which part? Work here or help someone out?”

  I chuckled softly. “Both maybe. But hey… I appreciate that you care about him and want to be here. He likes you too. Then again, he likes everyone so….”

  “Gee thanks,” he snorted. “I don’t think it’s a matter of your dad liking everyone. It’s more that he’s willing to give people a chance. Even me.”

  Benny turned away again, but this time it was Dad who stopped him when he returned from the kitchen. He sat heavily at one of the bistro chairs and tapped the seat next to him, beckoning Benny to sit for a moment.

  “Pops, I should get going—”

  “Tell me how your week has been. Have you decided who you’re taking to your cousin’s wedding?” Dad asked, willfully ignoring me.

  Benny shrugged. “No one. I’m going with my mom and Aunt Luisa.”

  “You should take someone. Take Ezekiel! You can go, can’t you, son? It’s a great solution. You need someone with a fancy suit, and Ezekiel certainly has more fancy clothes than….”